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If We Date, How to Piss a Guy Off

You Shall Not Interrupt Me While Watching Sporting Events- Unless a family member just died, the house is on fire or your informing me that your running to the store to get more beer.
Wait until after the game to tell me how much of an asshole Eric is because he cheated on Jessica again or how I need to take out the trash. Hopefully by the time we get to the talking part, I’ll be too drunk to care.

You Shall Know How to Make Killer Food, Especially Sandwiches- I know, I know I’m picturing it right now some girl out there reading this article spilling her Starbucks all over her keyboard yelling Omg! Omg! Omg! Now before you jump to premature conclusions let me explain.

I will assume the male role in the relationship, yes a male in the 21st century who doesn’t like to wear scarfs but is actually a man, weird right?

That means that when your car is under a half of foot of snow and it’s colder than Siberia, I will be the one to clean it off and make sure it’s all toasty for you.  So next time I ask for a sandwich the only response I need from you is what chips I’d like with it.

You Shall Never Compare Me to Your EX- Oh, he made you breakfast in Bed? Oh, he constantly brought you flowers?

We all know he did this because he had a small one, don’t even lie to me that he didn’t because your friends already told me he had a tiny problem.

You Shall Never Complain How Drunk I Get- I love to drink, so you either have to get on my level or get out the way.

You Shall Never Complain About Playing Video Games - This was my first love as well as many other males.  For all you girls that don’t get gaming, ill break it down for you. An Xbox, ps3 or w/e is basically the ideal GF.

Why? Glad you asked, first off the money you invest in it you get back, in the form of endless fun. Secondly, it doesn’t require any attention but yet it’s always there when you need it.

Lastly, it never talks back or tells you it doesn’t want to do something. I am completely convinced if an Xbox could give head no guy would have ever gf, Microsoft take note for your Xbox 720!

You Shall Not Expect Me to Be Your Personal ATM- I will buy you things, but on my terms. Don’t expect me to hand you my plastic so you can go shopping with the girls.

You Shall Not Ask How Many People I’ve Been With- No matter how you slice it this never ends good, if you’re worried that I might have contracted super aids from that stripper in Cancun two years ago we can go get tested together.

You Shall Not With-hold Yourself from Me to Prove a Point or Get Your Way- I can play hardball to. Before you even have the chance to apologize, I will be dialing contacts from my little black book.

Also, your name will be erased from my memory faster than my decision to not text that girl back the next day.

You Shall Not Ask Stupid Questions or You Will Receive Stupid Answers- Never ask me stupid questions like “do I look fat in this”? I will immediately respond with a yes and suggest that we should skip dinner and just see the movie.

You Shall Not Check My Phone/Facebook/Twitter/Email- If I want you to see something I’ll show you. So stop grabbing my phone accusing me of sexting when I’m really just texting my roommate.

You Shall Tell the Truth- Stop being so subliminal and just speak your mind. If you want something tell me, don’t hint at it. If you are mad, tell me, don’t say “nothing’s wrong”.