How to Piss a Girl Off

Not Texting Her First – This generation’s females’ version of holding the door open for a female is texting her before she does.

It makes her feel all giddy and shit. Girls go through that emotional crap of thinking that if she has to go to the trouble to text you first, then she comes off as needy or desperate.

Which, in fact, is very true. Don’t make a female feel like that. Don’t worry about holding the door open for her.

That chivalry shit is dead. Gentlemen are overrated.

“OOOOOOO Someone’s on Her Period…”- Here’s some advice: The only thing worse than bleeding from your vagina is having someone know about it, tease about it, and complaining about it when you can’t get some POON for the next three days.

It’ll be the longest three days of your life if you push her menstrual buttons. Just hand her a tampon, a milky way, and a Cosmo and you’ll be alright.

“Send a pic”- If I had a cigarette for how many times a guy took a fat shit on a Refuse to Go Down – Remember my piece on eating good conversation with the “send a pic” text, I’d have died of lung cancer by now.

Many females have lung cancer. Take your sausage out of your left hand, grow some cajones and ask her to hang out to see that hot bod in person instead of jacking off to your blackberry, idiot.

Tell Her She’s Fat – Haha. That actually wouldn’t piss me off, I’d just laugh hysterically and probably end up giving you the cooch since you’ve obviously got some balls to say that. But… I’d suggest straying from the rest of the female population with that one. The only thing worse than going down on a guy is the absence of reciprocating after we put in so much fucking effort.

Push Her Down the Stairs – I don’t think girls would like that very much.

“K” – self-explanatory.

Kill Her Animals – Bitches love cats. So if you took a shotgun to her pussy I don’t think it’d go over very well.

Pulling a Hot & Cold - I’m a very straight forward person. If I like you, you’re going to know it since your pants will already be off. And if I don’t, then you’d most definitely be served with a restraining order.

Some females are the exact opposite, and pull the whole lead you on bullshit. But when it comes to the girls who like it black and white when it comes to signals, DON’T be hot and cold. That just shows us that we’ve got a dick larger than yours. Know what you want.

Tell Her She’s Being Difficult – No shit, Sherlock. Women are walking contradictions stuffed with manipulation and loopholes. Reminding her of the fact will get a fork to the ballsack.

Ask For a Bite of Her Food – Don’t. Just don’t. She’ll oblige out of fear of looking like a fatass and not like a lady, but in reality we know that you’ll just end up eating the whole thing. Just don’t.

Run Your Fingers Through Her Weave – Never touch the hair.