How To Avoid Being a Fatass

This little guide to help keep you fit, because let’s face it, nobody likes fat people. 

  1. Know your body type. This is by far the biggest factor to staying fit. Everyone has that one friend that can literally go on the Super-Size Me diet and not gain a single pound (I know you hate them), my advice is don’t  go out to eat with them as often because if you do your clean diet will be dropped faster than Hurricane Sandy made sure Jersey Shore never re-airs.
  2. Go to the gym. No I’m not talking about taking up the Govenator’s workout plan. I’m saying to go to the gym at least 3days a week, preferably 4 to 5 days. This will help work off all the empty calories you consumed on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
  3. Drink, water lots of it. There’s rarely a time you won’t see me posted up in class without a bottle of water.  Leave the soda to be consumed with your alcohol and the Starbucks double whipped cream lattes with extra chocolate chips to be weekend treats.
  4. Hang motivational workout posters everywhere. This one applies more to girls than guys.  Examples of this are super models in their bikinis with snarky written captions above them. Some of the best ones I’ve seen to date are “Get fit Bitch” or “Stay Skinny Slut” feel free to create your own( Yes, girls I know did have these posted all about their apartment) . Posters like this are effective in making you think twice about grabbing for that Ben and Jerry’s, especially if you put one on the fridge.
  5. Eat breakfast. I know, it sucks, especially if you have an early class. But eating each morning will keep you away from eating that fattening food that campuses sell.
  6. Do physical activities that go beyond working out. Here at IU we have events going on like this all the time one example is “The Nearly Naked Mile”  where students strip down to nearly nothing and run a mile, hell you can even do this drunk, which is awesome.
  7. Go out to parties and the bars, to dance. Grinding is a college art form which also happens to be a fantastic workout. It can also lead to other activities which are very effective at burning calories, wink, wink.
  8. Avoid relationships. I didn’t know of the term “relationship weight” until it happened to me.  It’s a very real occurrence and should be avoided.
  9. Walk to class. Don’t get me wrong I hate walking to class, especially when the weather turns colder than Siberia and while walking isn’t a real workout (it is to fat people) it can definitely keep you from packing on some extra lbs.

There you have it, my 9 tips to stay fit in college. Now get up off your fat ass and go work out!